Name: Matt 'Lady Killa' Firman

Location: Moustache City, USA

Aliases: Matrick, Abe Froman - Sausage King of Chicago, Firmburger



  • 14 months intensive training with Yani in the foothills of the small country of Latvia, studying pan flutes and moustache technique.
  • 2 months training with Hulk Hogan studying 'staying tough'.


  • Mastered the 'public moustache orgasm'. Looks strangely similar to a wiggle of the moustache, but when administered in a bar, library, or church... every woman in the room colapses from piercing, overwhelming pleasure.
  • Born with a moustache.
  • Wrote 'Dirty Lip' the dance hit from the Moustache March 2006 album.

Other info:

  • Banned from 11 States for 'excesive use of the moustache'.
  • My moustache wrote an entire album on it's own entitled "Get Me A F*ing Beer. Now."